drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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