I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
