I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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