Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I am spending my child support on dildos
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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