I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
