I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
