if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
