I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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