i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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