hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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