Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
