Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
