Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
