does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
