Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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