Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
