i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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