1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
