Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
