just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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