if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
