My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
