Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
