I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
