Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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