I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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