I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
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So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
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the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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