I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?