are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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