There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.