Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.