He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
