Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
