She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
