i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
