these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
