I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Semen is not good for contacts.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
