is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
