there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
