I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
