just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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