i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
