I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
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