i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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