make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
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He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
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He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize