bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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