You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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