You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
