She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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