I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
