we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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