When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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