Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm really busy with my period
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