i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
