Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
