Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
