I wish I only lived at night.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
