I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Randomize
