There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
