So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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