am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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