1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Blood and glitter go together right?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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