so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
