The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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