I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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