Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
