we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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