He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
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I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
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I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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