First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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